Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize