spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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