Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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