She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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