girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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