From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
