My room smells like vodka and shame
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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