Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
