we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
