WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
