This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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