Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize