It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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