Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
