Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
