I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is Oprah even human
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
