can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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