i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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