i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
