I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A bitchslap is in order.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
