I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize