I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
