I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
