saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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