my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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