if you like me you must not know who I am
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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