I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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