Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize