whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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