I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
