I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
