I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
