remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
