haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
