That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
