You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
