this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
