i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
