Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize