i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize