I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
