I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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