he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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