mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
