His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I need to stop coming to work sober
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I smell like Dick and happiness
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
