Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Less talking, more tequila
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize