If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
