I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When are your genitals available?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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