Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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