i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
