i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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