Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
