then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
