I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize