This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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