every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i out mim tonsoeep
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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