Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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