There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
