gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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