make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
