Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
