we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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