Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
