i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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