ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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