OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
