Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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