I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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