I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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